Mr Mahesh Gupta
HR Manager, Gammon India.
Gammon House ,Veer Savarkar Marg,
Prabhadevi, Mumbai - 400 025,
+91 99657 87654
Dear Mr Gupta,
I am a student from National University of Singapore, currently in my first year. I am majoring in Civil Engineering. I wish to apply for an internship in the materials department of Gammon India.
I have excelled in my academics both in college and school and have participated in many extra-curricular activities. I have helped organize many successful events. I am a very hard worker and I am willing to spend long hours working. I can handle high pressure jobs and can work both in a group and individually. I hope to learn more from this experience and grow as an engineer.
My resume has been enclosed. I will follow up next Monday by calling you at your office. If you have any queries you can e-mail me at uk_1707@hotmail.com. Thank you very much for your consideration and time.
Yours Sincerely,
Uttara Koundinya.
Enclosure Resume.
Uttara Koundinya
F-301, Atrium,
49-Kalakshetra Road,
Chennai – 600 041
12th February 2011
Mr Mahesh Gupta
HR Manager, Gammon India.
Gammon House ,Veer Savarkar Marg,
Prabhadevi, Mumbai - 400 025,
+91 99657 87654
To obtain an internship in the materials department.
Dear Mr Gupta,
I am a student in National University of Singapore and currently in my first year. My major is civil engineering and I wish to specialize in materials. I wish to apply for an intership in the materials department.
Having been highly ranked in my academics in both school and college, I believe I will do well at your company. I have won numerous awards for academic excellence in school. Apart from academics, I have participated in my extra-curricular activities like dance, drama and tennis. I have organized many events like Reflections which is the inter-school cultural competition in which over 15 schools from all over the city participate. From these experiences I have learned how to carry out a task in high pressure situations. I am a hard-worker and am flexible in my working hours and with the nature of the tasks. I hope to gain more knowledge on materials and how the industry works and grow more as an engineer.
I will follow up next Monday by calling you at your office. If you have any queries please send me an e-mail(given above). Thank you very much for your consideration and time.
Yours Sincerely,
Uttara Koundinya
Enclosure Resume.
First and foremost, Uttara should provide her current address in Singapore in case the company tries to write to her. As the address she used was her home address in India, the company might send its reply to her family in India instead of directly to Uttara at her residence in Singapore. Additionally, she should include her contact number in case the company decides to call her.
ReplyDeleteThe part that says, “To obtain an internship in the materials department” should come after “Dear Mr Gupta” and not before. Also, unlike the Objective in a Résumé, it should just state the position desired. Hence, “Intern in the Materials Department of Gammon India” would have been better.
The first paragraph should be broken up into two paragraphs. The first stating the purpose of the letter ( seeking internship ) and the second elaborating on her qualifications. There is, however, no need to list every single one of her achievements as they will already be present in her Résumé. She need only mention the more pertinent ones in the letter.
Finally, Uttara needs to stress more on the reader benefits. She needs to explain what Gammon India stands to gain from hiring her and link her achievements to the job requirements. In other words, to assert what talents she has and then provide evidence that she does indeed possess them by referring to her qualifications and past achievements.
Hey Issac,
ReplyDeleteI have given them my home address because I am applying to a company in India. Also I assume that I will be applying for it in the summer vacation, which means I will be at home in India at that time.
For everything else, thank you. I'll change it for my final draft.
Hi Uttara!
ReplyDeleteI think your application letter is concise and actually reads like a summary of all the qualities and aspirations you have! So this is actually rather clear for the reader. However, it does seem to need more examples to back up on the qualities you have stated so that the reader would know exactly what you have in you that will make you a valuable intern=). Hence, I would also suggest that you could include some background information about the internship position or the company that will be in line with what you want to do or what you could offer for the company.
Hi Uttara,
ReplyDeleteI understand that you are only in your first year. From my coming-to-4-years of experience, I do not think it is a good time to do an internship after your first year because first year modules do not even brush the basics of civil engineering. Even when I went for my internship in year 2 (which is still considered early), I found that whatever I have learnt is grossly insufficient. Although I have learnt some things on the job, I felt that it was easier with a little bit of background knowledge from my year 2 modules.
However, I know this application letter is required for this module. So I would comment on that. Isaac made some valid comments on how you should market yourself, why the company should employ you as an intern. This can be done by giving more details through examples. Show how you are suitable for the job, why they should choose you.
Hope this helps.
Hey man,
ReplyDeleteIssac made all the points you needed to know, Uttara. You are so blessed just because of him alone!
Cheers
Hey Uttara,
ReplyDeleteYour application letter is certainly very concise and direct to the point.
I do have some suggestions for improvement:
(1)
You might want to consider leaving out "currently in my first year" in your opening sentence. It shows that you're new in a field and the person reading it might make a mental note to mark you down for that.
(2)
You might want to be more sure of your specialization choices. "My major is civil engineering and I wish to specialize in materials" can be changed to "I am majoring in civil engineering and intend to specialize in materials". The former sentence structure may cause the interviewer to have an impression that you're indecisive.
To top it off, you can link this point to the next point using connectors, like this:
"I am majoring in civil engineering and intend to specialize in materials. Therefore I wish to apply for an internship in the materials department in Gammon India." This would make your application letter more cohesive.
(3)
Consider changing your sentence structure.
"I am a hard-worker" seems to suggest that you're inclined to tedious labourous work, instead of being hardworking. Perhaps you can change it to something like "I take great pride in my work and will do my best to accomplish my targets."
(4)
Like what Jac and Michelle said, you need to provide more examples and to also relate the examples to the skills learnt that can be applicable to the job in the materials lab.
Hi Uttara,
ReplyDeleteI think your letter seems a tad too short. I believe it's because the information was lumped together. I suggest separating the first paragraph into two - one paragraph focusing on academics, and another on your curricular achievements.
Also it would be good to substantiate your achievements more. Perhaps you could mention some of the academic awards you've received to give your employer an idea of them.
Hi Uttara,
ReplyDeleteI suggest you to change this sentence, From these experiences I have learned how to carry out a task in high pressure situations to from my experiences, I have learnt how to work under pressure. Do you think it will be better? Also, I think you should relate your interpersonal skills e.g: motivation/eagerness to learn and other practical skills (any names of skills you have acquired from your engineering course) to your ability to perform in this company; you mentioned that your good academic performance will allow you to do well in the company. so i suggest you to add the skills to complement with your academics. :) I hope this will help you with your resume.
Here are some improvements you can make.
ReplyDeleteYour mobile and email address on the top left are unnecessary since it is found in the resume. The title should include “Application for ...” and should be underlined and bold.
In this first paragraph, try not to repeat words. Use another word for “wish”. Moreover, you need to substantiate the link between your academic success and how this can contribute to your work in the company. Be more precise when you say you have won several awards, try to list a few and say why it’s so outstanding.
This sentence, “I have organized many events like Reflections which is the inter-school cultural competition in which over 15 schools from all over the city participate”, is too long. Do try to shorten it if possible.
For the last paragraph, you don’t have to write “(given above)”. Besides that, you could possibly change “I will follow up next Monday by calling you at your office” to “I will contact you in the next couple of weeks to discuss a convenient time to meet.”
Overall, it engages my attention to read on and to read the resume.
Cheers!
There are only few companies in India who are expecting Cover letters from the candidates...firs ti think its better to know about whether the company is expecting for cover letter or the resume... so that you can Spend your time on them...
ReplyDeleteI think you have overused first person, it gives an awkward look to write Cover letter samples in that format, remember that less is more while describing your skills and qualification, a cover letter should only gives an introduction view to your cv but in a compact, concise and accurate way.
ReplyDelete